Hey, YOU! “I don’t like your girlfriend.”

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So go the lyrics to the song of the same title, written by Antonio Reid and Avril Ramona Lavigne and it’s a catchy anthem to anyone whose heart has ever gotten stuck in the triangular blender of love.  If you haven’t heard it, look it up on YouTube.  It’s the ultimate bratty, stick-your-tongue-out, “Nyah-Nyah” in your face, kind of song.  And I like it.  Because it’s true.the-broken-heart

It will never cease to amaze me how music can make the soundtrack of our lives so much more tolerable and even delicious, at times.  Those songwriters who are willing to put their intestines out to dry, for the world to see, are some of my heroes.  Actually, I really admire anyone who attempts to put sticky human emotions into words, whether sung, spun or scrawled – I am in awe.  We are tricky little pink planets, with wonderfully varied feelings that are not always easy to explain.  Especially to the teenage (or just immature) heart.

Yesterday, I got a call from the high school.  Let me tell you, when that number comes up on the caller i.d. it makes me queasy.  The lovely calm voice on the other end of the phone said that my son was in the trap of a romantic triangle at school.  A triangle that ended yesterday with one of the parties wanting to call the cops after my son apparently blurted out, “Stay away from <what’s-her-face> or else.”  Or else.  Them’s fightin’ words and I don’t know where he heard them (when his DVD/Video diet mostly still consists of old kid TV shows and “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” movies).

With the phone in my hand and my head on the desk, I listened as the nice lady on the phone told me a tale.  The old story of:

Boy meets Girl

Boy loves Girl

Pal of Boy loves Girl, too

Heated words fly

Girl moves on

Both Boys are heartbroken

Boys are now mortal enemies

Cheese and crackers.  I hate it when that happens.  Especially in the Special Education division of our educational system.  And in my house.

I am now forced to try and explain to my son – my son with autism, who has massive language deficits and doesn’t like “too many words” at a time — a grand number of concepts about life, love and the human condition… and I am going to have to do this: with words.  Lots and lots of words.

Even you haven’t finished your late afternoon/early evening mug of tea/coffee/cocoa, let me give you the finer points from yesterday’s conversation; the talk in the car on the way to school; and the conversation we will now have to repeat daily, until thousands of words seep into his subconscious at the rate of one tiny, bite-sized syllable at a time (due to language processing difficulties).

  • There are plenty of other fish in the sea (which I then have to explain isn’t about fish at all, it simply means there are lots of other girls, which frustrates him because he doesn’t understand why we’re now talking about the ocean when his heart is broken and now this talk of food is making him hungry…)
  • Girls change their minds.  A lot.  So do boys.  Well, we all do.
  • Don’t lose your friends over a romance.  Ever.  Never ever.
  • Your heart will let you love again (this information slightly shouted over the wails of “I’ll never love another girl the way I love <what’s-her-face>!”).
  • In matters of love, sometimes it’s best to keep your mouth shut in the moment and put the words down on paper, to review later.  Maybe to do something creative, not destructive, with it.

That last bullet item is the one I’m going to repeat most.  Because, those other things he’ll figure out on his own, likely through repetition.  But, keeping your piehole shut in matters of love and romance, in the heat of it all – is not so easy to do.  People get hurt.  First and foremost: you.  Talking when your heart is breaking is like putting a big target sign on your face.  Arrows will always follow.

See, my son (like his immediate family members) has a deep well of respect for music and the songwriters whose lyrics touch his heart.  I’ve explained to him that those same artists have ridden the rollercoaster of love and it is the ups and downs (ooh, especially the downs) of love that make the best songs.  While the upside of love creates songs that make you feel as though sparkling mineral water runs through your veins, angry songs — about unrequited love or love gone bad — are mighty powerful, too.  I personally want to thank Adele and Kelly Clarkson for putting a lot of my own relationships in healthy perspective.

It will be an uphill climb, to get my boy on the path of putting his nuclear reactions on paper or keyboard, but it will ultimately be worth it as a salve to soothe his ravaged soul.  In the meantime, I’m collecting a list of songs, with the words and experiences of others, to guide him.  Any suggestions you may have, will be greatly appreciated.  We can all use a good mix tape to life and love.

 <3 <3 <3

“I love songs that are very autobiographical.” ~ Alanis Morissette

“I can speak for most songwriters – those breakup love songs are so easy to write, as far as the inspiration and all that.” ~ Lucinda Williams

“That’s why these songs have lasted as long as they have because they’re just about feelings that don’t change. They are love songs, they are not specific, those kinds of feelings  don’t change.” ~ Diana Krall

“Bless your soul, you got your head in the clouds. She made a fool out of you and, boy, she’s bringing you down.” ~ Adele

“Thanks to you I got a new thing started. Thanks to you I’m not the broken-hearted.” ~ sung by Kelly Clarkson – thanks to the lyrics of folks who obviously know about these things (I’m talking to you Jörgen Elofsson, Ali Tamposi, and David Gamson, with additional writing and production by Greg Kurstin).

Sweet Ol’ Sourpuss.

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You know the old saying, “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”  Last night I heard a man say that turning lemons into lemonade means you had to have also been given a few pounds of sugar, too.lemon juicer

Could it be, that some people are so overcome by life’s bitterness, that it overwhelms the fact that there is plenty of sweetness present and that it gets overlooked?

Yeah.  That does seem to be the go-to wiring for a lot of folks.  Myself included, on occasion.

The other day, I meant a wonderful woman who talked at length about her years of community and philanthropic work and also of her beloved children and grandchildren,  She told me that she really tried, despite time and financial constraints, to be in the lives of her children, grandchildren and family.  Well, everyone in her family except for her brother.  Her brother, she said, was an extremely angry, disagreeable and unhappy man who had mostly lived an isolated life.  She continued talking about her family and again mentioned how difficult and bad-tempered her brother was.  I asked her exactly how many siblings she had and she replied that she had two wonderful sisters and one bitter brother.  Sensing a theme, I decided that I needed to know where in the familial line-up this apparently wildly grumpy man had landed (and make sure that she was not talking about my ex-husband).  Turns out, her brother was the baby of the family.  She rolled her eyes and said, “The baby who was not only spoiled rotten, but spoiled RANCID.”

After hearing about her rewarding life and all that she did and was, I told her that I thought maybe she’d sucked up all the sweetness available in the family and that by the time they got to her poor brother, there was nuthin’ left.

Could happen.

As interesting as this woman was, I left our long conversation thinking about her brother.  She’d said he’d never married, had no kids and lived the bulk of his life alone – and completely by choice.  It made me wonder what had happened in his life that made him so angry.  What pain had he suffered that it was more acceptable to be by his own bad self than in the company of other heartbeats?  See, the thing about being on your own is that you are Chief, Cook and Bottle Washer and nobody, but nobody, steers your boat into uncharted territory, anti-matey.  It’s safe in the waters where you’re mean enough to chase all of the sharks away.

Honestly, I believe that most (perhaps even all) cantankerous cranks have some psychological burr under their saddle, hitting their most tender and pink spot, causing pain.  Mighty hard to be all sweet when you’ve got that going on underneath it all.

So, what?  Do we give the snarkboat captains of the world a pass for being ill-tempered and crabby?  No.  But, we can learn to act – not react – every time they serve up their irritable bowl.  We don’t have to bite.

I don’t know if habitually grumpy people will ever be able to recognize when sweetness comes into their life, at least not long enough to stop that squinching sensation in their salivary glands that gives them “that look” we all know (the one that makes us run in the opposite direction).  What I do know, is that when handed (unsolicited, I might add) the lemons that these sourpusses offer, we are the ones who have the power to ultimately make lemonade.

There are plenty of super articles about “How to Deal with Difficult People” or “So You Love an Angry Person” etcetera.   You go on and feel free to look them up to see what will apply to your situation.  In the meantime, I want to point out that people act like they feel.  Once you understand that, you can have compassion in your pocket and it will help.  Immensely.  Think about it.  If it were an injured puppy or Sea Monkey, you likely wouldn’t be quick to scold it or be judgmental.  The beautiful thing about empathy is that it takes criticism down a peg or two and make the whole experience less bitter.  You’ll see, in the long run, it will help you and the testy Sea Monkey.

Even if he is the baby of the (brine shrimp) family.

Look at the bright side — at some level, those sweet little guys are entertaining.  Even if only microscopically.

Fallon Hotel – Chapter Seven

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Barber Pole, Columbia, CAThe bubbled antique glass of the Columbia Gazette Office felt cool against her forehead as Jeri leaned against it.  Against her will, she found herself panting like a dog and figured it was her body’s defense mechanism against stress.  At her feet, Andy sat in enforced decompression mode.  Jeri had pulled him out of the Fallon Hotel in such a hurry that he screamed as though she had forcefully pinched him or caused him some form of intense and unusual pain.  Luckily for the two of them, nobody was around to stare and pass judgment because, unfortunately for Jeri, Bloody Murder was always the scream of choice for Andy, regardless of the severity of physical interaction.  Whenever he behaved that way in public, Jeri knew that he could not, and as a parent she would not allow him to, continue that kind of behavior in public.  It took awhile, but she had instinctively found that “shutting him down” as quickly as possible was best for him any everyone else within earshot.

Since the traditional Time Out method that her friends used with their kids didn’t work for her, Jeri tried multiple methods of discipline until she landed on the only thing that finally worked, for both frustrated mother and out of control child.  Using her arms to firmly fold Andy’s body down into a ball, then making sure to use the same intonation and pitch every single time, she would say the words, “Sit Down. Head Down. Time Out. Now.”  The first few times it was a nearly impossible task, but as time passed, each time she did it, she noticed Andy’s resistance breaking down in incremental bits.  Now, having done it over and over again, the same way each and every time – immediately and without fail (no matter where they were or who was watching), Andy reluctantly responded, but did so positively.  It was one of a handful of ways that convinced Jeri that she was going to have to work with her son, chipping away in small portions, to ultimately get her little square peg to fit into society’s round holes the best she could.

Autism had made Andy respond to the world in a variety of quirky ways since he was about 18 months old, but since they’d arrived at the Fallon Hotel, it seemed that he was changing again, but this time… in a bizarrely abnormal-normal way.  One minute Andy was the same child he’d been for years, the textbook example of everything Jeri had read about children with autism, yet in the last two days he was exhibiting signs of being neurologically typical – a child who is present.   But Andy wasn’t at all present-day present.

Tears rolled down Jeri’s cheeks as she realized that something was seriously wrong with her beautiful boy.  Something that was so much more than she was prepared to deal with, even armed as she was with all of the pamphlets and books that the world had to offer about autism.

At the same time, it was upsetting to Jeri to think that something odd was happening to her, too in the middle of all of this.  Was it possible that the stress of leaving her marriage behind and thinking she could somehow start a new and peaceful life was making both mother and son a little crazy?

“Come on, baby.”  Leaning down, she gently lifted Andy by the elbows.  “Maybe the crazy lady was right.  Or maybe Mommy is the one who is crazy.  Either way, I think we’re going to have to go to the museum now.”

Taking their time, Jeri kept one hand on Andy’s shoulder, no matter how much he flinched and tried to pull away, as they walked down Main Street.  She would gently pull him back, slow him down, and softly talk to him about how important it was to look into the windows as they went past.

The first storefront was the Pioneer Emporium with its hand-painted windows advertising “Household Goods, Sundries and Provisions.”  Items filled up every square inch that the eye could see.

They crossed over Fulton Street, giving them a chance to look into an antiquated book shop and the dry goods store.  They paused in front of the barber shop’s old fashioned red, white and blue pole which still made Jeri wince.  It had grossed her out as a kid, after her father told her that the pole represented bloody bandages and veins, since the town’s barber typically not only cut hair and shaved faces, but performed surgery and blood-letting, as well as extracted teeth.  She shuddered, but wondered if the current barber on duty would cut Andy’s hair using only scissors, since the sound of electric clippers caused him to tantrum each Jeri’s stylist had tried.  Surely, an old fashioned barber would understand a request like that.  At least, she hoped.

At the corner of Main and State Street they stopped in front of the Columbia Museum, partly so Jeri could catch her breath and also so she could reassess this new visit to the old building.   As a girl she remembered wishing she could spend the entire day taking her time going through the exhibits, but her parents were impatient and insisted they would have to see the whole town by dusk.  Even when she came as an adult, her husband wasn’t interested in the items on display and as a result, they’d barely spent ten minutes glancing at the ephemera and memorabilia.  She found it interesting that as a child, she knew that Columbia was not a place to rush through and she didn’t feel any differently standing at the front door now.  Surely, a person needed a couple of days, at the very minimum, to absorb it all.  As they walked through the front door, Jeri found that somehow, even with the strange circumstances of the handful of hours since they’d been there, she still felt that way.

The museum was a dusty place, best described as a gray place – void of all color, as time and dust had robbed the encased items of their original hues.  Even so, it was still as exciting as Jeri remembered, with colorful information about the town and its inhabitants in every nook and cranny waiting to be discovered.  Display cases filled with artifacts and papers that would give a glimpse into the lives of the miners and other occupants of Columbia, California back in the 1800’s.  As fascinating as all of that was, all Jeri was interested in today was the possibility of information that might help her understand the brand new, strangely old issues that seemed to be haunting her boy.

Ruth was standing near the back wall of the building, talking to a small group of older women wearing matching purple sweatshirts and all clutching pamphlets advertising nearby Mercer Caverns, Moaning Caverns, BigTreesState Park and other recreational activities to see in the area.  Pointing to a photograph, Ruth was telling them about community dances back in the day.  “Well, most holidays around these parts featured a Grand Ball of some type.  They were usually sponsored by the many clubs in town, the military and the fire companies.  They were big deals, too!  Full of colorful decorations, lively music and sumptuous suppers.  Oh, and the firemen would come from all around and those fellas were treated almost like they were West Point cadets, they were just so terribly important what with all the threat and danger of fire up in this area.  As you can see, they were also pretty handsome!”  The women giggled and thanked Ruth for her knowledge and hospitality and made sure to drop money into the donation box on their way out.

Looking around the building as she approached Ruth, Jeri noticed there were only a handful of people wandering about, mostly out of earshot.  “Excuse me, Ruth?  I know you’re going to think I’m a complete fruitbat, but I have some unusual questions to ask you.”

Ruth smiled and sat down on a stool.  “Likely about Ezra, I suppose.”

Jeri’s shoulders slumped.  Unsure of whether she was peeved or pleased that Ruth knew why she was there.  “I don’t even know where to begin.”

Glancing over to check on Andy, Jeri noticed he was bent down over a display case, intently looking at a collection of photographs, his nose pressed against the glass.  “Oh, Andy!  Don’t press against the glass like that…” Jeri started to walk over to him, but Ruth stopped her and pulled a cotton cloth from her apron.  “Aw… don’t worry about it.  Glass cleaning comes with the territory.  Let him enjoy.”

Jeri leaned her head back, looking up at the ceiling and exhaled any and all air from her lungs.  “Ruth.  Can you explain what’s going on?  What is happening to Andy?  To us?”

Tucking the cloth back into her apron, Ruth shook her head.  “Well, first thing you need to know is that as the Museum Docent, it doesn’t look particularly good for me to really recount anything but factual history, but honestly — ever since I arrived here, I’ve been pretty fascinated by the fictional history, too.  I’m not gonna lie.”

“Great.  I get it.  So, what?  You’re going to tell me a few ghost stories to try and scare me out of town?  Is this some scheme cooked up by you and the management of the hotel to drive me off in order to get full rates for my room?”  Jeri folded her arms defensively.

Ruth stood up and pointed her finger at Jeri.  “No.  I’m not here to drive you out or scare the pants off of you.  But, I do have an idea of what might be going on and…”  She was interrupted by the creak of the front door as it wildly swung open and a large family walked in, all talking at once and loudly.

In a hoarse whisper, Ruth smiled at the family, but addressed Jeri.  “When you’re ready to hear me, I’ll talk.  Until then, pardon me — I’m going to go about my usual business of dealing with the real world.”

As she walked away to greet the newcomers, it occurred to Jeri that Ruth seemed like a level-headed, mature woman who loved history and was probably the exact type of woman who would be a fan of James Randi, the famous scientific skeptic who devoted his time debunking claims of supernatural and paranormal activity.  Still, whatever light Ruth was going to shed on what was going on, or seemed to be going on (in Jeri’s mind?) was questionable to her at this point.

Again, the front door to the museum swung open and shut with a loud creak, as the large family left as quickly as they came in.  Ruth walked back to Jeri, who was now slumped over the donation box.  “They really wanted a bathroom and I’ve found that even hardcore historians will walk on by when their bladders are involved.”  Sitting back down, Ruth leaned in and patted Jeri on the shoulder.  “Well now, you’re still here.  And, where were we?”

“Ezra.”  Jeri pressed her lips together.

Ruth smiled.  “Ezra.”

The two women locked eyes.  Ruth squinted slightly.

“Hmm.  I can only hope that you won’t think me crazy if I tell you what I’ve pieced together over the years, Jeri.  I’m going to ask that you take it with a grain of salt and know that I’ve not ever found a shred of documentation that this boy ever existed, here in Columbia.  But I believe he did.  I believe he does, if that makes sense.”

Weakly, Jeri nodded.

Ruth put her fingers to her lips.  “Please understand, I’ve not had any interaction with this child, but based on the reaction of the people who have, it’s hard for me not to believe.  The stories I’ve collected over time, are not only very compelling and believable, but I’ve managed to connect almost all of them with actual places, dates and names.   I feel I have a pretty good idea of who Ezra was, well – is, and what happened to him.”

“Go on.”

“Well, as close as I can figure Ezra was probably born in 1848 or 49 to a father and mother who were Argonauts, residents of England who left to seek a new life and perhaps their fortune in California, sailing to the Atlantic side of the Isthmus of Panama.  Of all the ways to get to California, this was a incredibly treacherous journey, which required trekking through the jungle via canoes and mules for almost a week to get to the Pacific side, and after all that, they would then have to board a ship for San Francisco.  For many years, various members of the staff over at the Fallon Hotel have told me that they have heard the boy talk of his mother, who died of cholera on the journey and that he and his father arrived they went to live at Mrs. Denoielle’s boarding house on the east side of Main Street.  Now, there was a young teacher named Adelaide who is on record as being the town beauty here in the 1851, which was the coldest winter on record, and she may have been one of Ezra’s first caregivers, while his father likely looked for gold.  When Adelaide married, I believe she left Ezra behind with his gambling father, who was too busy playing Monte and Faro at The Long Tom Saloon, to be involved with his young son.  At least, stories have been told that Ezra didn’t have many memories of his father.  He may have died in the first big fire of 1854, or by some other nefarious method, because there were plenty of ways for a man to die in those days, but one guest at the Fallon said Ezra patted her head in the middle of the night, and called her “Miss Bella, the Fandango girl.”   One of the maids said that Ezra claimed he loved as much as he would have his own mother.”

Searching for a tissue in her purse, Jeri found her eyes had teared up, thinking of how hard life would have been for a little boy like Ezra during the Gold Rush, especially with no parents or family to take care of him.

Mindlessly, Ruth handed a pad of paper and red crayon to Andy, who was now seated at an old school desk in a corner.

“Now, at this point the next bits of information have no verification, just more stories from different folks.  There was this psychic from San Francisco who came down to attend a “Titanic Dinner” held at the City Hotel.  It’s this fun, theatrical evening where musicians play the same music that was performed on this ship the night of April 13th and into the morning of the 14th in 1912.  The kitchen chefs serve up the same six course meal and they have character actors playing the parts of Unsinkable Molly Brown and the Captain.  During dessert, bells ring, the lights flash on and off and iceberg warnings are issued.  At the end of the evening, as everyone was leaving this noted psychic leaned up against her Mercury Mountaineer in the parking lot and started talking about Ezra according to some of the guests who’d walked her to her car.  They just thought she’d had too much sherry or was continuing the role playing from earlier in the night.  But, one of the busboys, who’d been dispatched by the hostess to take the lady a go-cup of strong coffee, told me that the psychic was going on and on about the fire broke out in 1857.”

Wrapping her arms tightly around her body, Jeri looked over at Andy who was quietly pressing his red crayon to the paper, filling it with red dots.

Ruth licked her lips and pressed them tightly together.   She shook her head and continued.  “The busboy said the psychic lady was upset and crying.  She said that Ezra had hid in a building on the east side of Columbia, which everyone had said was completely safe and deemed fireproof.  Records show that the buildings whose walls were only eight inches thick were not really fireproof at all.  The only structures that defied the flames were building that had walls eighteen to twenty four inches thick.  As a result, the entire portion of town enclosed by Pacific Street on the north, Columbia Street on the east, Main Gulch on the south and the west side of Broadway on the east were all consumed by fire.  The psychic said that the body of a boy was discovered in the laundry chute of a building between Broadway and Columbia streets, but try as I might, I have never found a death certificate confirming that.  They say that the psychic lady went further into her post-Titanic trance, wailing that Miss Bella was heartsick about what happened and spiraled into alcoholism and was never the same after.  She said that because of her drunkenness and the fact that there was nobody to come forward to claim and bury Ezra, he was placed in an unmarked grave in the public cemetery.  There are a number of unmarked graves up there, but nobody knows which one is his.”

 

Over in the corner, Andy covered his ears and began to whimper.

 

The door to the museum flung open and startled Jeri.  Not noticing until then that her mouth had dropped open, she closed it.  The bladder family had returned and there was a low buzzing noise, as one of the kids was humming on a kazoo.

 

Jeri darted over to Andy.  “Oh, Ruth.  I’m not leaving because of your story.  It was truly mesmerizing.  I’m leaving because I’m pretty sure Andy’s about to ramp up into a tantrum because of the noise and I need to get him out of here.”

 

Covering her ears, Ruth laughed.  “Want to get me out of here, too?!”

 

“Ruth, thank you again for the dinner invitation, we’ll see you at 6pm and we’ll have a bottle of Martinelli’s sparkling apple cider with us.”  Taking Andy’s hand, Jeri start to make a quick exit, then turned around, smiling warmly at the wise woman still seated on the stool.  “Oh, and Ruth?  I don’t think you’re crazy.”

 

Photo Copyight 2010 Troy Montemayor

Snapshots of Happiness Contest

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img-snapshots-fb-postIf you could capture happiness in one single image, what would it look like?  With the popularity of Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and the like, we seem to like to express ourselves an awful lot with pictures this century.  So what one image is worth a thousand words of happiness to you?

The sweet folks over at Oregon Chai are running a contest and have asked me to tell you about it.  Now, before you get upset thinking I get money for what I do (I don’t.  I write for joy* and as my form of therapy), this post is not a PAID, nor blog-for-product, article.  I just happen to like tea.  The folks over at Oregon Chai are fans of Tea with T.  So, relax.  It’s all good.  And good for you (good for your happiness-meter, at any rate).

Between now and May 15th, Oregon Chai will pick twenty lucky winners to receive a gift valued at $50 and all you have to do is submit a photo that you think best captures happiness.  You choose your image and then post it through the Oregon Chai Facebook app, through Twitter or Instagram using #CaptureHappiness.  EVERYone who enters  their moment will get a $1 off coupon.  That makes me happy, just thinking about it.

I raise my very full mug of Wednesday Afternoon/Evening Chai to you and wish you luck!  [And much happiness.]

xo – t.

*Which typically runs between 800-1500 words for me.  Inspired by the Oregon Chai people, I added a photo, too.

A good snapshot stops a moment from running away.” ~ Eudora Welty

Happiness depends on ourselves.” ~ Aristotle

T joyous 2013

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

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Positive Negative“Any negative number is less than any positive number.”  I don’t even LIKE numbers, but they have that logic going for them – and that is enough to make us friends.  Negative people, on the other hand (with the five digits I count on, regularly), don’t make the short list on my dance card of friends.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.

The other day, my Maternal Unit was absolutely insistent that I carve time out of my crazy-busy schedule to see a few of the world’s most negative individuals.  Really, that title should be capitalized and italicized (The World’s Most Negative Individuals), but there isn’t a sideshow left who would hire them.  Plus, who would pay for that?  No.  Ain’t nobody got time (or money) for that.

Here I had the chance to see the world’s most negative individuals for free, in what would no doubt include Dinner AND a Show, so to speak (judging on past performances)… but I passed, saying, “I cannot UNhear what comes out of their mouths.”  See, I have a problem with cluttering what’s left of my remaining brain cells with the gossip and slander that those people would have served up over a bowl of lentil soup.  They have a tendency to speak terribly ill of people I happen to care for very much and, well – it makes me sick.  Ain’t nobody got time (or medicine) for that.

No.  There is a limit to how much negativity I will make time for.  Even the news has become painfully difficult to bear and, as it is, I read it on-line – picking and choosing which headlines to click and fill my head with.  I can no longer listen as television or radio newscasters seamlessly switch gears from a tragic shooting or violent crime to some off-site reporter weighing in on cakes at a local bridal fair or classic car shows at the beach.  My empathy cogs and wheels can’t downshift that quickly.  Ain’t nobody got time (or calibration tools) for that.

Recently, I told my 20 year old daughter that while some parents spend their elder years nagging their offspring, I’m going to spend what’s left of my days “sharing the funny.”  Truly, if I can truffle-snuffle out at least two extremely hilarious things to share with my children before the end of the day, I feel that I’ve done a fairly good job as their mom, now that they’re almost grown.  Because life?  Well, life is going to be one constantly in-motion trebuchet, launching cartloads of negativity in their general direction.  If I can be a source of light, happiness and gahsnorfling chuckles — perhaps it will cut their time in a therapy chair down (or out).  That is so much better than wallowing in unpleasantness.  Ain’t nobody got time (or good enough medical insurance) for that.

There was a very large portion of my existence that was spent taking care of; cleaning up after; and mending fences for negative people in my world.  I once worked for a man who fired me on the spot (after years of employment) for ordering flowers he deemed “ too <expletive deleted> ugly” for the network broadcasters he was trying to impress (to be fair, it was autumn and the florist only had two choices – I chose the wrong one, in his mind).  I was once involved with a man who routinely made me change my clothes, hair and makeup because he disapproved of the way I looked.  Growing up, the adults around me were hypercritical, usually about things that couldn’t be changed or helped (many things that didn’t amount to a hill o’ beans either, when all was said and done).  Ain’t nobody that got no time for that.  And, yes.  I am fully aware of the double (triple?) negative in that last sentence and will forthwith cease to use them ever again.  In fact, there is simply a whole lot of negative I don’t ever wish to revisit.  Never.  Ever.  Again.

It is high time that you and I make room for positive things and people.  Think about it.  We’ve got time – we’ll make time — for that.

“If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn’t, it ain’t. That’s logic.” ~ Tweedledee

“Positive anything is better than negative nothing.” ~ Elbert Hubbard

There is little difference in people, but that little difference makes a big difference.  The little difference is attitude.  The big difference is whether it is positive or negative.” ~ W. Clement Stone

That’s Annoying.

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coffee wolfmanI’m not easily annoyed, mostly because I find the world to be a fascinating and interesting place.  Honestly, there is so much to be captivated by in a day that I really do make an effort not be agitated by petty stuff.  But, there are times (perhaps when I’ve not had enough to eat, or adequate sleep or enough caffeine to compensate) that even the loveliest of moments are shattered by the mind-numbing inanity of all that surrounds me and suddenly the hat of exasperation is on my head and won’t come off.

Some might call it a hormonal imbalance, but there’s no sign of proof.  At least, not that any certified doctors have verified.

This morning I received a call from the ambulance company that carted me off to the emergency room this past Saturday (I’m fine now, but apropos of nothing, my blood pressure shot up to 188/112 – and no, not caffeine-related, as I’d only had my small morning allowance 8 hours earlier).  The ambulance company apparently now wants their money (five days later) and needed to verify my address.  O__o  Excuse me?  You people came to my house.  Your employees saw the whites of my eyes and now know my blood type.   Your staff, wearing your company’s patches on their sleeves, came into my den and carted me off to the hospital.  Really?  You oughta know my address.  Annoy much?

Then there was a moment, not too long ago, when I was part of the committee choosing a photograph for a relatively solemn occasion.  The shot I felt most appropriate was one showing our subject dressed in an elegant business suit, smiling mischievously and leaning at a rather jaunty angle.  It was dignified, but at the same time joyful.  It was a powerful, yet playful moment in time caught in an instant on film.  The other photo in question that was nearly victorious, due to majority rule, featured a red, white and blue windbreaker, funky ol’ cowboy hat (complete with fake bullet hole) and a wiry little cat in a matching head kerchief perched on a shoulder.  Whimsical?  Sure?  Appropriate?  No.  That was annoying.

Another time, a visitor from another land came to see us and on a whim, chucked her chewing gum out the window of our vehicle as we made our way down to the streets of Santa Monica.  I should have kept my yap shut, instead of mentioning the blight of black dots on our streets and National treasures because of mindless disposal like that.  I upset her and received a swift and firm verbal slapping (that included lengthy political and social commentary).  That stung and what made it worse, was that we were both annoyed.

At my seasoned station in life, with the real possibility of raised blood pressure now and again (quite possibly due to these annoyances), I realize I am going to have to make a better effort not to let things annoy me.  It is going to take time and patience, but it will be worth it, I’m sure, not to have to be bothered by issues that are annoying.  So, I’m letting you know, that I hereby promise to try and not be annoyed.

Instead, I’ve decided I’m going to be vexed.

It just sounds better.

xo – t.

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”  ~ Herm Albright

If you can’t annoy somebody, there’s little point in writing.”  ~ Kingsley Amos