Close up Hands Tea x

Sit a bit and hear some observational stories I’ve been steeping.

Hey, YOU! “I don’t like your girlfriend.”

So go the lyrics to the song of the same title, written by Antonio Reid and Avril Ramona Lavigne and it’s a catchy anthem to anyone whose heart has ever gotten stuck in the triangular blender of love.  If you haven’t heard it, look it up on YouTube.  It’s the ultimate bratty, stick-your-tongue-out, “Nyah-Nyah” in your face, kind of song.  And I like it.  Because it’s true.the-broken-heart

It will never cease to amaze me how music can make the soundtrack of our lives so much more tolerable and even delicious, at times.  Those songwriters who are willing to put their intestines out to dry, for the world to see, are some of my heroes.  Actually, I really admire anyone who attempts to put sticky human emotions into words, whether sung, spun or scrawled – I am in awe.  We are tricky little pink planets, with wonderfully varied feelings that are not always easy to explain.  Especially to the teenage (or just immature) heart.

Yesterday, I got a call from the high school.  Let me tell you, when that number comes up on the caller i.d. it makes me queasy.  The lovely calm voice on the other end of the phone said that my son was in the trap of a romantic triangle at school.  A triangle that ended yesterday with one of the parties wanting to call the cops after my son apparently blurted out, “Stay away from <what’s-her-face> or else.”  Or else.  Them’s fightin’ words and I don’t know where he heard them (when his DVD/Video diet mostly still consists of old kid TV shows and “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” movies).

With the phone in my hand and my head on the desk, I listened as the nice lady on the phone told me a tale.  The old story of:

Boy meets Girl

Boy loves Girl

Pal of Boy loves Girl, too

Heated words fly

Girl moves on

Both Boys are heartbroken

Boys are now mortal enemies

Cheese and crackers.  I hate it when that happens.  Especially in the Special Education division of our educational system.  And in my house.

I am now forced to try and explain to my son – my son with autism, who has massive language deficits and doesn’t like “too many words” at a time — a grand number of concepts about life, love and the human condition… and I am going to have to do this: with words.  Lots and lots of words.

Even you haven’t finished your late afternoon/early evening mug of tea/coffee/cocoa, let me give you the finer points from yesterday’s conversation; the talk in the car on the way to school; and the conversation we will now have to repeat daily, until thousands of words seep into his subconscious at the rate of one tiny, bite-sized syllable at a time (due to language processing difficulties).

  • There are plenty of other fish in the sea (which I then have to explain isn’t about fish at all, it simply means there are lots of other girls, which frustrates him because he doesn’t understand why we’re now talking about the ocean when his heart is broken and now this talk of food is making him hungry…)
  • Girls change their minds.  A lot.  So do boys.  Well, we all do.
  • Don’t lose your friends over a romance.  Ever.  Never ever.
  • Your heart will let you love again (this information slightly shouted over the wails of “I’ll never love another girl the way I love <what’s-her-face>!”).
  • In matters of love, sometimes it’s best to keep your mouth shut in the moment and put the words down on paper, to review later.  Maybe to do something creative, not destructive, with it.

That last bullet item is the one I’m going to repeat most.  Because, those other things he’ll figure out on his own, likely through repetition.  But, keeping your piehole shut in matters of love and romance, in the heat of it all – is not so easy to do.  People get hurt.  First and foremost: you.  Talking when your heart is breaking is like putting a big target sign on your face.  Arrows will always follow.

See, my son (like his immediate family members) has a deep well of respect for music and the songwriters whose lyrics touch his heart.  I’ve explained to him that those same artists have ridden the rollercoaster of love and it is the ups and downs (ooh, especially the downs) of love that make the best songs.  While the upside of love creates songs that make you feel as though sparkling mineral water runs through your veins, angry songs — about unrequited love or love gone bad — are mighty powerful, too.  I personally want to thank Adele and Kelly Clarkson for putting a lot of my own relationships in healthy perspective.

It will be an uphill climb, to get my boy on the path of putting his nuclear reactions on paper or keyboard, but it will ultimately be worth it as a salve to soothe his ravaged soul.  In the meantime, I’m collecting a list of songs, with the words and experiences of others, to guide him.  Any suggestions you may have, will be greatly appreciated.  We can all use a good mix tape to life and love.

 <3 <3 <3

“I love songs that are very autobiographical.” ~ Alanis Morissette

“I can speak for most songwriters – those breakup love songs are so easy to write, as far as the inspiration and all that.” ~ Lucinda Williams

“That’s why these songs have lasted as long as they have because they’re just about feelings that don’t change. They are love songs, they are not specific, those kinds of feelings  don’t change.” ~ Diana Krall

“Bless your soul, you got your head in the clouds. She made a fool out of you and, boy, she’s bringing you down.” ~ Adele

“Thanks to you I got a new thing started. Thanks to you I’m not the broken-hearted.” ~ sung by Kelly Clarkson – thanks to the lyrics of folks who obviously know about these things (I’m talking to you Jörgen Elofsson, Ali Tamposi, and David Gamson, with additional writing and production by Greg Kurstin).

7 thoughts on “Hey, YOU! “I don’t like your girlfriend.”

  • Bonnie Sludikoff says:

    ooh I will do some song searching!

    • TKatz says:

      Looking/Hearing forward to it!
      xo – t.

      • Jim says:

        Well I am not so sure about all of this stuff. Even big guys are like little guys… I find jealousness just about fits any age group. Girls still mess boys heads up and they know how to do it at any age. The heart never lies while the mind rationalizes.
        Personally being a monk making cheese may of been good for me. Of course the wine in conjunction would work well to. I made all the wrong choices in my life because my heart was in left field all the time. when the right chick comes along, it is a once in a lifetime endeavor. Oh well, breath deeply and dream.

  • Lisa says:

    How about:
    “What hurts the most”… Rascal Flatts or on a more comical note… “50 Ways to Say Goodbye”… Train

  • Cathleen Patterson says:

    This is a fantastic entry! Although I do not have a special needs child of my own, I have many that I call “mine”. Your perspective is so heart felt and the love from your heart pours so gracefully. Your now young man is so very very blessed to have such a fantastic mama and you my friend are even more blessed to have such a passionate son (and daughter!)
    Thanks so much for sharing!

  • Valerie Whelan says:

    Young love hurts, disability or not.

    When my daughter was I 3rd grade, she had developed a habit of blurting out…so I told her to think about “it”, what ever it was and to put it into writing. Well she was learning the earlier version of this story.

    Girl has friend.
    New friend joins the two friends,
    Original friend feels shut out.

    So my autistic kid, put her feelings on a piece of paper and threw it at her old friend, “I’ve got my eye on you”. Good thing the teacher intercepted it…. Per the teacher, It could have been seen as a terrorist threat……. Serriously?

    I hope your son does a better job at putting his feelings into words. 🙂

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