Close up Hands Tea x

Sit a bit and hear some observational stories I’ve been steeping.

Zero to Snark in 3.5 Seconds

If you ever doubt that people are snarky by nature, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you don’t live near a freeway, highway, expressway or close to any pavement where the speed limit is over 35mph.  Here in Southern California, those electronic road signs that blare “Click it or Ticket” on a holiday weekend should occasionally be changed to include warnings about the dangers of driving under the influence of snark (possibly highly caffeinated or turbo-sugared snark) going on behind the wheel or handlebars on our roads.


A while back, there was quite a bit of buzz about Road Rage and how drivers were brandishing weapons while driving along the 110 here.  But, those people either found a new zip code or the benefits of valium, because I haven’t heard as many rumblings as of late.  Across the country, there aren’t as many headlines about it either.  Although, there is still the errant Defensive Tackle whose daily levels of testosterone should probably prevent him from sitting behind any steering wheel because I believe those guys can go from fume-to-fury with very little provocation (but, hello?  What part of your $21 million signing bonus didn’t scream CHAUFFER to you?!).


It’s not a snark free world I’m looking to live in.  Just the one I drive in.  See, it’s not the snarkiness I have a problem with.  Snarky is often our first go-to defense when we are unhappy, hurt, embarrassed, angry and/or confused.  My snarkiness pops up more times than I care to admit (I’m not proud.  I’m just sayin’) – but it has never served me well while driving.  Never ever.  Nor does it seem to be in the best interest of the other drivers I see tooling around town.  If people would just stop being so stinking cranky on the highways and byways of life, I bet fender bender incidents would likely drop in numbers.  That and stop insisting on being “that guy/gal” who must block every driveway or intersection, refusing to wave another car into traffic, you’ll likely reduce your snark levels along with ours.  Get over yourself needing to speed ahead of the van full of preschool kids trying to yield their way on to or off of that entrance/exit.  Be willing to let go of the need to bob and weave your Civic (oh, so ironic – one thin letter short of Civil…) through traffic like that video game you couldn’t stop playing before you left the house which is now making you late to your crappy minimum wage retail position that you feel is sucking the lifeblood out of you (ok, on second thought – you get a pass to be snarky.  But slow down, fool.  Why hurry?).


There are some people, I suppose, who should be given a pass to be all snarkified on the roads.  For example, driving an injured loved one (pet or person) to the hospital should probably give you full license to engage your inner snarkboat captain.  Matter of fact, sitting alongside a particularly prickly sideseat driver should also be permission enough to snark away (albeit silently) behind the wheel.  But, for the most part – lighten up, people before you situate yourself behind that airbag.  Less sass, save gas!  Fire up your engines, not your anger!  No ire in your tires!  Ooh!  Think about it — the bumper sticker possibilities are endless.  But irritating.  And we could all do without more things to snark about on the road.


“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.”  — Dave Barry

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